Kakashi's death
by Echodoki
Summary: Kakashi had truly die once during Pein's invasion.


**Kakashi's death**

What is death?

Kakashi inclines his head, looking at the more and more distant sky.

Death is certainly something he has been very familiar with. Growing up in the wartime wasn't the most pleasant memory. People died, _lots_ of people died, every single day. Death of the kin, death of the classmates, of the friends, the comrades, and of the enemies too. By the end, death was just like air, people learned to accept it, breathe in the sorrow and out, and carry on.

The first time he clearly felt the death was his father's suicide.

Memories never fades, no matter how much he denied it, he can still picture his smile, his arms, his warm hugs. Not exactly the same as the legendary infamous Konoha's White Fang, his father was the man who ruffled his hair after he finish his training, smiling at him and telling him he had been doing a great job; the man who raised him to his shoulder and let him sit there watching the fireworks; the man who tried to cook – though never successfully –for him, never been able to get the right amount of salt on the grilled saury, sometimes even mistakenly added sugar instead; the awkward, gentle and loving father.

In the shadow casted by walls, his face emaciated from the pressure, his hand bloodstained by his own guilt, his arm incapable of hugging him ever again.

He stood silently by his father's cooling body, not a word of grief being said.

Death, is the choking darkness, and the soul-trembling coldness.

Kakashi can clearly feel his temperature dropping as each second of time passes, fingers unable to move, even breathing becomes somewhat a painful luxury, he sees black spots in his sight.

People really do think of their entire life when it comes to death, no lie, he approved.

Then he graduated from the Academy, and became a Genin under Minato sensei, and completed plenty of missions before the situation worsen. He killed, and he saw many people being killed, and death quickly became a part of his everyday life. He was very lucky to have Minato as his Jounin sensei, and Obito and Rin as his teammates, though he had never admitted it in public. He can't imagine what kind of monster he would have become had he got stuck with someone else.

To him, the days he spent with team Minato, were the very best blessing of Fate, and the very worst curse of Death simultaneously.

"I am about… to die…"

Kakashi tries to speak the line his most precious comrade had said before he died for him, with every sense of emotion he could ever gather, then realized even he himself can't hear his own words. He tries to sneer at his powerlessness, only comes to the fact he can't even move the muscle one inch to make a faintest smile.

And then he killed that girl, his last teammate, by hand.

Death had never been so vividly come to his mind.

His finger through the fabric Rin had been wearing, then her skin, soft and tender in youth, the breastbone had not been a problem under Chidori, he could felt her heart twitched when his kunai, his finger ripped through the muscle, then bones again, then flesh, skin, fabrics chafing his wrist. So detailed and explicit and crystal clear that it still hurts to think about right now.

That was Obito last wish – and he broke the promise.

At that very moment, Kakashi realized that death, is a blackhole, swallowing in any hope if it had ever existed.

That blackhole grew in his chest, after nearly two decades time, it still keep consuming his soul restlessly.

His eye lids are getting heavier, his field of vision narrows.

"_I shall become your eye in order to see the future_."

Suddenly a spark of strength ran through his spine, his muscle. Kakashi tries his best to hold his left eye open, widely, looking at the sky.

No one can avoid death, no matter how strong they are.

It was when his last support left him, that Kakashi finally drew the conclusion. But by then there is no more people behind him holding him up, or brighten up his world, or comfort him, or offer him a hand and pull him up from the desperation. Everyone related to him, anyone who cared for him, or he had cared about, were gone.

Mission after mission, like a punishment towards himself, but no, he can't die, no matter how much he wants it. His left eye still carry the burden of his dead comrade, he still have the duty to let Obito's eye see the future.

But right now, nothing matters any longer, because he knows, his death is inevitable.

People are sinful at birth.

Kakashi remembered a book he had been reading.

Very interesting theory, those who are pardoned will go to heaven, and live a happy-ever-after life in the paradise; while those who are not pardoned will go straight to hell, and being burned forever and ever until their souls turn into nothingness.

He doesn't know will Obito and Rin will go, but he know for sure that as sinful as him will doubtlessly end up in hell.

He wishes he won't see them there.

Fragments of memories flicker through like the trotting horse lamp, and disappears like never existed. Frames and frames of images fly by him, and he can neither catch nor dodge one of them.

"Obito…"

It is said, people will think of their most precious people before they die. That stupid figure with that stupid goggle appeared in front of him all of a sudden but he was not even surprised.

"Are you taking me away?"

Don't! Please! Don't go! Don't leave!

Kakashi holds his eye open with every single bit of strength, staring into the vast expanse of azure. The sunshine is admittedly a little too dazzling bright to his interest, and he feels something running down his face. The sky is open and wide and blue, and it is beautiful. Clouds floating around leisurely, shades and shadows of the clouds alters as beams of sunshine strike through, outlining the white with holy golden. Birds flying across his sight, hovering over the wind with the most unrestrained motion he could imagine, unfolding their wings in an elegant manner, and raising their necks as if enjoying the breeze against their flight, their feathers seem oddly clear and vivid to him right now, when he can't even clearly see what is going on beside him.

Please! Just let him watch it for one more moment!

Kakashi feels his pain eases, his limbs responding.

The speed his memories rushing through slows down, as if it has eventually come to the end.

"_It is true that in the ninja world, those who break the rules and regulations are called trash, but those who don't care about their friends are even worse than trash!_"

Obito.

"_I believe, the white fang is a true hero!"_

Obito.

"_What do you mean? I don't have a present for you!_"

Obito.

"_Well on my way here I saw a little old lady with a lot of luggage asking me for direction, and I've got dust into my eyes… So_…"

Obito.

The speed get slower and slower, as if so that he can grab every single detail from his memories.

The cave dim and cold, and the crushed stones falling on them like a snowstorm, regrets piling up and stealing away any last hint of warmness. His friend was pressed into the earth by a giant rock meant for him, his friend who had finally beaten some senses into his unreasonable skull but now leaving him alone in this hellish world forever by himself – his best friend – his comrade – his HERO – his most, most precious person in the entire world.

"_Regardless of what the village think of you, you really are a great Jounin… That is what I truly believe… I am about… to die…_"

No, please don't! Obito!

"_But… I will become your eye… in order to see the future…_"

I don't want it! Obito!

A future without you, he can't even imagine.

A future without you, he won't be able to bear with.

He really can't care less about the Jounin present, he should not even ask for that!

Obito!

"So I let you down again, Obito."

The memories freeze-frame on the smiling half of a bruised face.

It's getting dark now, isn't it?

Kakashi falls into a trance, but wakes up in a start.

No! Not now! Not this soon!

Just let him watch the world for a little longer, just let him watch the world with his left eye, just for a moment longer, a second longer.

The black spots have grown into a black curtain blocking out most of his sight, his once-eased pain becomes sharper than it had ever been.

His skin becomes more and more sensitive, the breeze he used to enjoy now feels nothing than blades of air cutting through his fleshes.

So, this is death.

Not that bad after all.

The sky gets dimmer and dimmer, the vision gets narrower and narrower.

From the corner of his eye he sees another bird swinging across.

Or is that just a leaf falling? He can't really tell by now.

Ah! How lovely the clouds are!

What a pity, it is still in the daytime so he can't see the stars for him. Stars are beautiful, too. He should have paid more attention to the beauty of the sky earlier.

It's really dark. Does that mean he can see the stars now?

No, it is not dark.

It is him dying.

Draining the last drop of strength in his body, Kakashi opens his left eye, trying to get a last image of the world.

"I am sorry, Obito…"

But the eyelids are too heavy right now.

"Seems like this is it for me too."

Kakashi's breath halts.


End file.
